The prosecution: Audrey
Noah doesn’t wash himself thoroughly enough – he just rubs a bit of gel around his body
My boyfriend, Noah, doesn’t wash properly, but he thinks he does. I am Nigerian and grew up being told I must scrub my body thoroughly when I wash, otherwise I’m not clean. My sisters and I were encouraged to use exfoliating net sponges and proper soap to clean ourselves. Shower gel was banned in my house.
Noah, meanwhile, has a much more lax approach to hygiene. He doesn’t use soap, and will just pat a bit of shower gel around his body. We’ve been in a relationship for three years, but I first started noticing it nine months ago after we moved in together.
It all kicked off recently, though, when Noah came to my cousin Femi’s house for lunch. Noah, who is Scottish, asked Femi why there was a bucket in his bathroom. Femi explained that many Nigerians grow up having a bucket bath, where water is poured over you from a bucket while you bathe. It’s a very satisfying and thorough way of washing. Noah was amazed. I then made a few jokes about how badly he washes himself and I think he got embarrassed. But it seemed like an opportune time to bring it up.
There is no scrubbing, no real getting into the cracks and orifices: it’s just rubbing a bit of gel around
Noah isn’t unclean – he just doesn’t wash adequately. There is no scrubbing, no real getting into the cracks and orifices: it’s just rubbing a bit of gel around and hoping for the best. He also doesn’t bend down to wash his feet. He says, “The water will find its way there.” I find it strange.
This lack of exfoliation is also not good for his skin. I bought him a net sponge to use in the shower, and he hasn’t used it. A couple of times I’ve watched him shower and expressed horror at his technique; other times I just leave him to it, because it’s weird to get annoyed with how your partner washes.
Noah always smells nice, but I just think he needs to be a little bit more thorough. He laughs at how long I take in the bathroom, but Black hair needs a lot of love, and I generally like showering. We have different needs, but I’d like to see him take on board some of my tried-and-tested tips.
The defence: Noah
I smell nice and I’m not unclean, so why does showering have to be like a full military operation?
Audrey did grow up with a very different approach to washing, and it’s true that I’ve learned more about exfoliation in my last three years with her than I had in the first 30 of my life. But while I’m grateful for her tips, I don’t want to be forced to change my ways if there’s no real problem.
